Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Sexual Economics for the Bankrupt

Alright. I had a chance to talk to the pastor that I mentioned in last week's blog, and we got on the same page. In fact, he made a valid observation that I would have made if I were not so reactionary.

We talked again this week about sexual habits of the 20-something age group and we covered some wisdom of what can wound us and what is wise in the sexual arena. Previous wisdom I had said YEARS earlier on a forum came back to me [yeah, I forget], and we smashed a couple of all-too-common misconceptions about sex before marriage.

Sex bonds us to a person emotionally. That, in the right order, is good. In the wrong order, is bad.

Here are non-preachy lessons learned from pre-marital sex, born out by honest humans, whether married or not, Christian or not.

1) Beware the Soul Super Glue Syndrome: sex bonds you to a person due to the factor of physical intimacy. It is an instant bonding agent, like when you spill super-glue on your fingers. No matter what, trying to UN-bond is going to be painful. That's why breaking up with someone you have not slept with is sad, but bearable - and breaking up with someone you've slept with creates a black hole in your heart.

And if it does NOT create a black hole in your heart, I would SERIOUSLY suggest getting counseling - because, as the man said, "You got issues."

2) Beware the Enjoy Now/Pay Later, Credit Plan: even if you are engaged to be married, you are NOT married - and in the pastor's personal experience, 20% of couples he knew did not get married, though engaged. You are driving a car, making a deal, a bet even, that is NOT guaranteed. Sex does NOT create a covenant - it creates a BOND - and those are two different things. You are not trusting God - or not trusting your partner.

3) Patience is a Virtue - and Both of You Want Trust: let's be frank here: if you cannot say no and wait a few months [being engaged for years is probably not a true engagement, folks - esp. if you are having sex. It's just procrastination or a counterfeit - take your pick], or your partner cannot, then you ARE going to have some problems down the line when another attractive person appears.

You see, for some crazy reason, we think marriage ENDS temptation. In no uncertain terms - it does not! It is a a crucible of love that is sometimes cool, sometimes hot and often under attack. You have to feed and protect your marriage, and if you have a partner who cannot be trusted with sexual self-control, you have the perfect recipe for pain - 'cause sex is everywhere - whether it's porn [crack cocaine for the eyes I call it] or just a saucy girl who thinks your man is cute. And is SOOOOO sympathetic...

So we agreed that sex before marraige was fraught with danger and had some serious backlash. We agreed that God's Biblical command to keep the marriage bed pure was for our own good - and if you have ever thought of committing suicide after breaking up with someone you got sexually intimate with, you understand PRECISELY what I am saying. You learned, the hard way, God is right. We don't want to go too far.

But what about lots of kissing? How far is too far?

So we all took a little anonymous test to check of what we though what was acceptable to do in the 'romantic' arena, and what was going "too far."

Some were obvious. Others - a matter of context or opinion. But in the end, we agreed that we should probably treat the opposite sex like we treat our family members - like we treat our brothers and sisters

That way, if we do not marry, we have fond memories and self-respect. Not the anger and loathing and self-hatred that follows so many broken relationships. Or deathly silence, as it may be.

It was a good lesson. The young pastor showed even more wisdom and compassion when we spoke afterwards when I told him what hurt me about the barefoot and pregnant comment.

I realized that I was reacting to a liberal straw man ALL of his group had heard. He was just trying to communicate honestly with them. We both laughed about how dysfunctional about every family in the Bible was - but God used them anyway. He pointed out that the household economy, run by women, is truly the FIRST economy in any civilization.

I wished he had been my pastor, 25 years ago. I would have been wiser.

I would have been less wounded.

May it be so for you, my reader.


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