Four reasons - all unavoidable and providentially timed, I think.
Everything blew up.
1) On Wednesday, I had planned to blog from my work - it was my last night as Night Watchman - and the internet connection was out.
So I thought I'd post late on Thursday. That did not happen, either.
2) You see, my Men's Group that morning had a nice hard discussion about the Trinity and God's sovereignty over Nature and how that impacts our relationships and the Christian worldview, even to the point of male/female dynamic - and from there we moved to the subject of gay marriage, etc. I repeated something I had said on a forum where we were directly asked if there was any non-religious reason to oppose gay marriage and I basically said "Yeah - it ends the bloodline. No one here is born of a homosexual union. If you argue that homosexuality is 'natural', then Nature is saying 'I don't want you.'"
Notice - I do not say God does not want gay men or women - that is a flat lie - just that "Nature" (without a lord over her) is culling out a line by giving them a non-reproductive affinity. If you are a strict Naturalist (most cannot be), then you must admit that the non-reproductive aspect of a homosexual union says something dire. 'Survival of the fittest' and Darwinism jump in and make a very ugly statement, which I repeated.
Oh, no. Don't ever do that.
Let me share something with you: theological and epistemological clarity is not a real ability for a bunch of men showing up at a 6:15 a.m. Bible Study, drinking caffeine so they can head off to work in the Big Bad City. The words "saved by grace" were immediately thrown at me and some ungracious behavior jumped up.
I was tired, dog-tired and unwilling to clarify. We were not talking about salvation, we were talking about a worldview. I did like Moses - and 'went out in anger.'
I went home to bed, and got back up around 2 p.m. And in 4 hours, went back to bed and slept all night long - 12 hours straight.
3) Then the snow began to fall. Four inches in as many hours. I had to shovel it, twice before I could go to teach at the jail for two hours. We got hammered.
4) Then our computer at home? She blew up. Root level, sector failure problem I tried to fix in the BIOS. I could not. Had to re-install everything.
As I reflected on my failure to communicate the truth well, my own exhaustion, and my complete inability to e-mail, get online or debate with another soul, I came to a conclusion that God was 'editing me' - He was trying to keep me from getting into any more discussions (i.e. snarling dog-fights). You just can't win. There is a root-level failure in that person's "BIOS" if you will.
Clarity came this morning. I was reading a book that was a Christmas gift to me, entitled, "Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health" and in chapter one, the author NAILS why I cannot reach some people and HOW I keep getting off track.
Chapter One: Do You Thirst for God?
Desire, folks. They have to go after it themselves. If what you desire most is freedom from rules, you'll become an anarchist. If what you desire is money, you will become greedy.
From "Ten Questions to Diagnose your Spiritual Health", by Donald S. Whitney, p. 17:
"Ocassionally, an empty soul searches in more serious-minded or spiritual ways that lead some Christians to think he [the soul] is thirsting for God. But the world has no such thirst. "There is none who understands," God inspired both King David and the apostle Paul to write, "there is none who seeks after God" (Psalm 14:2; Romans 3:11). Until and unless the Holy Spirit of God touches the spiritual tongue of the empty soul, that soul will never want to "taste and see that the Lord is good" (Psalm 34:8). Just because a man longs for something that can be found in God alone doesn't mean he's looking for God. A man may pine for peace yet have no interest in the Prince of Peace."
It really is like that scene in The Matrix. The world has such a pretty and enjoyable illusion over the minds and hearts of men, you cannot go bursting in and telling them its all a lie. They have to want it, desire it. They have to be disillusioned FIRST before you can give them the Truth.
Watch this scene from The Matrix - it is far more accurate than you first suspect:
Not much to add to that, really.
You will believe what you want to believe. You will initially take the path of the least resistance until you see that it has no hope except an ending in despair and death.
If I am - correction - if we are - right about Christ, and the death awaiting those who do not follow Him, why argue? The events will unfold as they must.
"Follow Me," said Jesus. " - and let the dead bury their dead."
Jesus is saying "Let the spiritually dead take care of their business of dying actions." He is not being callous, but serious-minded. He refuses to play second fiddle and He knows the manipulation of the "tell me one more time why you THINK you are right" crowd.
We've got to follow Christ, not answer every detractor.
So I am going to take a sabbatical, to get my "unified self together" as Max said in Collateral. Gotta rebuild my machine from the ground up, clean out all the junk in my room and basically enjoy the Person I know best so I can do more with Him, not for Him.
May you, dear reader, have a blessed New Year.
May 2009 be the year you see the world as it is, and Jesus the Christ as your only hope.
You will love Him if you do, I promise.
p.s. It has been 10 years since I took this verse literally and went out to seek God's kingdom. Last night, we covered it in the jail. Perhaps you who are struggling financially and are thirsty for God will find it a blessing - please read Matthew 6:31-34 .