I had a long day today, getting our car fixed and fiddling around with chores but I noticed something wasn't quite right in my heart. I was wondering what it was when I ran across a challenge to write up one of the greatest Marvel villains of all time on the V&V forums I frequent (see link at right).
I dove in, eager to reveal this megalomaniac in all his glory. He had to be fearsomely powerful and brilliant. And he had to have a motivation to be so. So I re-read Dr. Doom's origin.
Oh dear Lord.
I got scared when I saw the parallels between his life and mine. Doom is a perfectionist and controller. Nothing must be left to chance.
He was in college on a scholarship, unwilling to listen to his roommate, scarred himself terribly and in his anger left to build himself a suit of armor (a protective shell) and conquer those who scorned him.
His mother had died, and he was dabbling in the occult. He had no friends and everyone existed to serve his vision of being ruler - of being master of his small community.
It was eerie. I mean, I understood Doom - his narcissism, self-loathing, overconfidence, etc.
Even the tiny scar that "ruined" him (thus he wears a face mask - but he really destroyed his own face by putting the red-hot mask on before it fully cooled). Likewise, I have a bad toenail due to an accident when I was 17. It is funky and weird and when people see it, they grimace. I am ashamed of it. I hide it with full-cover sandals. This "imperfection" has shamed me and so - I want to hide my feet.
Its taken a lot of spiritual growth to get over that. And the hardest thing is now I am starting to see how I wanted my education to make me somebody, not to learn from wiser minds or mature in discipline, and thus enable me to help others.
This is awful.
I am Doom.
And tonight's Bible lesson - the one I taught? Its a re-hash of LAST week's lesson. I never do that, but somehow this week, I got a double-dose of insight and felt I should teach it again.
Please to listen to what Jesus said to His disciples:
They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, "What were you arguing about on the road?" But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.
Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."
Yeah. Kills us, doesn't it? Those little Secret Life of Walter Mitty film clips that run around in your head - they're fantasies of self-glorification.
This Sunday, and the following Sunday, we will be celebrating my ordination. Twice, because we cannot get everyone together at the same time.
I am scared.
"You are not to be called 'Rabbi' ['Reverend'] - for you have one Teacher - the Christ!
I am really scared of how this will pump up my pride. It is sooooo easy to sit back and say, "Yeah, baby - look at me!" Add to THAT the fact that my favorite hero and my movie star I favor (don't I?) has been big (Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man), and my ego and narcissistic tendencies are flying high this Summer.
Oh, and he's in TWO movies, by the way. (Like you didn't know.)
And a young lady has taken an interest in me.
And we're moving into a BIG new church this month. Cost? $50 million.
Remember that Peter Gabriel tune - "Big Time"? I do.
"...and I will kneel in a BIG church - BIG TIME! I'm on my way I'm making it - BIG TIME!"
Pray for me, dear reader. I don't need humiliation per se, but I do need humility.
Jesus - please hear their prayer for me.
I think I know a cure. I think.
Yes. It will work.
I'm going to go watch The Passion of the Christ again.
And repeat over and over, as the Romans whip Jesus's body into a bloody mess, "That was for me. That was for me and my pride."
See you Friday - 'cause I need a few days to get my head on straight.